Things People Actually Said to Me at Work Today

“You got to have the most boring-ass job in the world, working in a library. I don’t know how you stand it.”
You know what some people say when I help them with something they requested? “Thank you.” Hard to believe I know, as it hardly enlightens me as to the desperation of my situation. My reply to the guy was something about how it’s a good thing there are a lot of different types of jobs around for different types of people. I wish I’d said something more along the lines of “Not as boring as you’d think, considering the people we get in here. You never know what someone’s going to say when they come up to the desk.” Which leads me to:

The very next patron who approached the desk: “Do you have any air freshener here.”
Me: “No, we don’t keep anything like that because so many people have allergies to the scent. Why? Is there a problem?”
Him: “Yeah, my friend that I’m here with? I’m sitting next to him at the computer? His feet stink. I took off my shoes to see if it was my feet, but it’s his. I need to spray him or something.”

A gentleman who likes to wear vintage dresses, often with pearls and heels. He’s a regular and he can put together an outfit like nobody’s business. Next time I’m invited to a wedding, I’m asking him what I should wear.
Him: “I’m looking for a book called ‘The Secret Lives of Dresses.'”
Me: “We do have that book. It’s a novel, so it’ll be in fiction.”
Him, crestfallen: “I thought it was non-fiction.”

Just a typical day at the public library.