Wouldn’t it be cool to own a bookmobile? I believe in some alternate universe, I do own one. I travel the continent in it. I have a writing space set up in it. I drive from book signing to book signing, reading to reading. And I can sell my books right from the bookmobile, which incidentally sounds a lot like the Batmobile, something that makes it even cooler.
Sadly, I feel the need to tack a cautionary note here: Please don’t anyone think it would be cute to contact the seller if you aren’t serious about buying. The intention of this post isn’t to create harassment for anyone.
A friend just had her novel accepted for publication after 30 rejections. Thus, I’m inspired to try at least 31 publishers, if need be, before giving up. Two down. I feel moved to share the more recent rejection letter of the two. I don’t know why, but expect it to happen again. Maybe as an experiment in how many different ways rejection can be phrased.
So here it is, hot off the email:
Dear Author,
“My partners here at Pointless Pothole Press* have looked at your proposal for the novel _ _and we have decided not to ask to see more of the MS. There is no particular reason, and we agree that your idea is interesting. We are a small press, and we need to keep the number of MSS we look at manageable. We are currently considering a number of other proposals.Thank you for considering Pointless Pothole Press.”
Two things strike me. The first is the phrase “There is no particular reason.” Uh….whuh? The second is the way he can’t bring himself to write out the word manuscript. It reminds of me of my grandma always calling toilet paper “TP.” Sort of like a manuscript is something necessary, but you don’t discuss it in polite company.
In addition to writing, I work in a public library. This gives me an opportunity to notice when certain book titles have been overused. Looking for a book called The Gift, because your friend recommended it, but you can’t remember the author? Okay, well, sure. No problem. None at all. Let’s spend the next twenty minutes reading through the descriptions of the sixteen different books we have with that title in an effort to figure out which one it is. Authors and publishers, consider yourselves put on notice. I will actively discourage readers from any new book titled The Gift.
Here are more titles on my list for recommended retirement:
Twilight – Did you know about a dozen authors thought of using this before Stephenie Meyer? Time to let it fade into darkness.
On Thin Ice – Don’t go there; too many writers already have.
Redemption – This title is beyond itself
Forever – Which is how long it will take to narrow down the search to the one you’re seeking, if you don’t remember the author’s name.
The Return – It keeps coming back into the publishing world.
Reunion – Publishers keep revisiting this title, too.
The Search – Didn’t go far enough for an original name.
The Secret – It’s enigmatic why you’d want to have your book confused with so many others of the same title.
Sanctuary – It can blend in with the crowd and never be found.
The Island – Where overused book titles go for sanctuary.
In Too Deep – But if you can find your way out, maybe you can build a new title for yourself.
I finally read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. So, I’m a little late to the party. I liked the book; I plan to read the next two. I don’t feel compelled to write any kind of review. Considering the book’s lingering status as an international bestseller, I think it’s been reviewed plenty.
I did come away from the reading with a nagging question. Is it a Scandinavian thing or just a Larsson thing? I’m talking about the author’s need to inform us readers of the exact square footage of every room and building mentioned in the story, along with the engineering specs of every computer used by any character. I know specific is supposed to be better than general when it comes to writing. “Humvee” is better than “really big vehicle.” “PowerBook” is better than “laptop”. It allows the reader to visualize the scene better. But do we need to know the date of manufacture, size of the screen, hard drive capacity, processing speed, and whether the keyboard is backlit?
I find this more amusing than annoying. My computer jock spouse (he of German ancestry) would likely consider the paragraphs describing the computers as the most important information in the story. But I can’t help wondering if this is a literary tic – all writers have them – or a cultural thing. I haven’t read much Scandinavian fiction, so I can’t compare. Maybe it’s time to broaden my horizons and perhaps find the answer to my question.
Looking for an evening of cheap entertainment? Visit Hulu and read their movie descriptions.
First, let me say that I love Hulu. I’m not intending this as a put-down of the site. I’ve watched every episode of the Dresden Files TV show there. While in bed with bad cold (that turned out to be pneumonia, actually) a while back I fortified my immune system with nostalgic doses of Barney Miller. They have some pretty good movies in their line-up, too. Recently they’ve featured one of my favorites of all time: What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?.
But, just as with real television or movie theaters, you’ll find a lot of stinkers, too. Sometimes, I’m not sure if the movie itself would be so bad, or if it’s all in the wording of the synopsis. The other night I was browsing to see what I might watch, and ended up laughing myself silly for an hour over the titles and descriptions without ever watching anything.
A sampling:
Carnival of Souls, Horror/Thriller, 1962. Synopsis: An accident victim becomes a church organist after being drawn to a mysterious abandoned carnival. What? How are these events connected? Is this a movie plot or a Mad Lib?
And nearby alphabetically is The Curve, Action and Adventure, 1998. Synopsis: Two roommates plan to kill a third to take advantage of college policy giving a 4.0 grade to a suicide’s roommates. Who wrote this policy? I’ll bet no other evil college student in the history of this school ever thought of gaming the system like this. If my kids apply to this college, I’m not paying dorm fees; they’ll live off-campus – alone.
Or how about Surf Nazis Must Die, Horror/Thriller, 1987. That’s right – not comedy, not satire, not spoof. Description: Few action movies can compare to SURF NAZIS MUST DIE, a gnarly epic of killer stunts, monster waves, and post-apocalyptic mayhem. You can say that again. But wait, there’s more! A major earthquake has devastated the entire California coastline, but as the survivors attempt to put their lives back together, they must defend themselves against the ruthless gangs that have taken over the beaches and the gangs are ruled by Surf Nazis! No one dares to rise up against Adolf, Eva, Mengele, and Hook until the wretched Reich brutally murder Eleanor “Mama” Washington’s son, and now she’s out for vengeance. Ooookaaaay then. Yo, Surf Nazis! Don’t mess with Mama Washington!
Then there’s Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. Know what? I’m not even reading the description. The title is enough.
Today was Buy Socks at JC Penney Day. I celebrated. Did you?
This post has nothing to do with writing. Merely an odd happenstance I felt like sharing.
JC Penney recently mailed out coupons for $10 off any purchase of $10 or more, good from today through May something. My older child has been in dire need of new socks, but we haven’t had a chance to go shopping for them until today. Coupon in hand, off we went to purchase foot coverage.
She made her selections and we lined up at the cash register behind three other people. All holding their $10 coupon and buying socks. And I mean nothing but socks. Not socks and a swimsuit, not socks and a necktie, not socks and some slacks, only socks. Exactly like us.
I can’t decide if it was a function of the weather, which has taken a turn for the wet and chilly this weekend, or perhaps a sign of the economic times. Can people only afford socks when they have a $10 coupon? Have the tight times caused people to be practical with found money? Or it could have been sheer coincidence. But somehow I find myself wanting an explanation. What if it were intended to be a sign to me that I’d found my peeps and I totally missed it, not even striking up a conversation with anyone? Okay, I’m sure it was coincidence.
I’ve always liked poetry. For years, I’ve made a habit of reading at least one poem every day. I do skip a day now and then, but not often.
My writing has focused more on poetry than prose, as well, until about two years ago. Over the past couple of years I’ve been focused on a novel and have been struck with many ideas for short stories, and the poetry has fallen off quite a bit.
But, with the novel more or less finished, I took the arrival of April – National Poetry Month – to get back myself back into the poetic mode. I’ve been writing a poem every day. It’s been good for me. I get a lot out writing in general, but I’m rediscovering the value of writing poetry specifically.
~Edith Södergran said “I don’t create poetry, I create myself, for me my poems are a way to me. ” For me, this rings true. Even when I compose a bad poem, I often develop new insights in the process. For instance, this month I’ve realized one reason why I still pray sometimes, even though I’m agnostic; it helps me focus on what’s important to me. I guess I could say the same for poetry. I came to this new knowledge of myself because I started writing a poem about prayer.
Writing a poem, too, makes me really look at, listen to, and experience the world in a conscious way. For me, then, poetry is a path of mindfulness, and a way to keep myself connected to the universe.
I’m glad I made the decision to reconnect with my poetic muse. It’s an enriching relationship.
I wrote this essay a few years ago. It has received more “we almost published this” letters than any other piece of writing I’ve produced, yet it never makes the final cut. So why not put it here?
Good test scores? A lifetime supply of cookies for you!
**
Human beings are incapable of playing in the rain. I learned this when I worked for the local public school district. One of my duties in the Title I office involved processing the tests given to children as part of their preschool screening. In the section used to determine a child’s problem solving ability, a question asked, “What do you do when it rains?”
One boy answered, “You can play in the rain if it’s warm and there’s no lightning.” He was marked wrong. Apparently the creators of the test and the answer key knew something I didn’t. I thought people possessed the ability to frolic in falling water. I was also under the mistaken impression that we humans could stomp in puddles, but the kids who mentioned this activity were considered equally wrong. The only things we can do when it rains are: go inside, use an umbrella, or put on a raincoat. According to the test makers anyway.
I’m not criticizing the Title I program. It’s a good thing. It helps kids who need extra assistance prepare for kindergarten, and provides individualized instruction to children who are struggling with reading. The Title I teachers and administrators I saw in my stint as an office grunt were by and large hard working, empathetic and dedicated. But they worked within the public schools, and as far as I know, no part of the public school system escapes the scourge of required standardized testing.
This isn’t a new development, of course. During my own school days, in fourth grade to be exact, I was identified as gifted and placed in a special program. In what area did my gifts lie? Not visual arts; I was about average there. Certainly not music; to this day I can’t carry a tune. My social skills were mediocre at best, so I wasn’t being recognized for my interpersonal abilities. I could do math in my head, and I loved to read. But my real, true gift, my greatest ability, was test taking. I intuitively grasped the formula for multiple-choice tests and I had a talent for figuring out what authority figures liked to hear in the way of answers. Throughout the years of my formal education, I received a lot of praise for my exam marks.
How have I applied this skill in my adult life? I haven’t. I’ve never found an employer willing to hire me to take tests. I don’t field requests to perform the Stanford Binet at parties. Nobody knows or cares what my SAT scores were. My husband didn’t bother to find out before he asked me to marry him. My children don’t care; they just want to know what’s for dinner. All of those numbers everyone made such a big deal about back then turned out to be the most irrelevant facts of my life.
As much emphasis as test scores received when I was in school, things are worse for my own kids. For their generation, it begins when they’re toddlers. Both of my children were enrolled in Parents as Teachers, an early childhood program, free to families, in which a parent educator comes to the home roughly once a month, does educational activities with your child, and gives you information about child development. Like Title I, it’s a good program with many benefits. Then there’s the testing.
My kids, both at the age of two, participated in the Denver II screening, given to check their progress on various developmental milestones. My daughter and son both proved the maxim that tests can be standardized, but children can’t. One of the skills the children were asked to exhibit was block stacking. My daughter, as a toddler, adored building toys. She performed brilliantly on tower making. The problems began when the blocks were put away so she could move on to demonstrating her social and verbal acuity. The parent educator may have thought they were done playing with blocks, but the examinee disagreed. For the remainder of the session, every question posed to my daughter was met with a request for more block play. Finally, the examiner gave up asking her anything.
As my little girl sat happily constructing walls, the parent educator pondered how to “score” her. I looked over the questions and pointed out that my daughter had demonstrated all the listed skills during previous visits. According to the rules, though, she couldn’t be given credit for them if she didn’t do them during the test. On the other hand, the examiner couldn’t well write down that my child was incapable of things she had been observed to do. The parent educator eventually wrote the word “refused” on the lines where the child’s answers were supposed to be recorded. An Alford Plea of sorts, I suppose.
When my son did the same screening three years later, he willingly answered every question. He loved to talk; it was his favorite activity at the time. But he tended to give nonconformist answers. When asked to supply the name of a friend, he said, “Grace (his sister) is my most friend.” Wrong. He was supposed to have given a name from outside the family. In the world of the Denver II, siblings can’t be friends. As his mother, I felt he couldn’t have given a more right answer.
At the time I found it amusing and even endearing, the way my children wouldn’t be boxed in by these silly tests. I stopped laughing when I discovered the scores were to be included in their school records and the numbers used by people who had never even met my children to make decisions about their educations and lives.
This is what makes me all prickly about standardized exams. They don’t produce insight; they produce numbers, which are taken completely out of any context, and then used to define a child. I never met the Title I child who liked playing in the warm rain, but his response gave me the impression of a joyful little boy who also had a level head on his shoulders. Not only did he refuse to allow the weather to spoil his fun, he possessed enough wisdom to evaluate when it was safe to be outside and when it wasn’t. That made him an A#1 problem solver in my book. Unfortunately, what went into his school record likely reflected a different view; perhaps of a boy who was only a three in problem solving, not as clever as those fives. We can’t expect as much from him.
Similarly, my son’s “score” was skewed. In our family, we regard each other as friends. I guess the folks who created the developmental screening didn’t get along so well with their own relations. Too bad they’re the ones who get to say which is the right answer when a difference of opinion arises. Where I saw a sweet, big-hearted boy who adored his sister, the number assigned to him declared he wasn’t quite up to speed with his social awareness, and subsequently he entered school already labeled as a bit deficient.
Then there’s my daughter, who exhibited all the skills they were looking for every day of her life except for test day, when she had something else on her mind. Even if everyone agreed on which questions and answers were necessary and right (a big stretch), a test score still only reflects what the child does during one small portion of one day, ignoring whatever accomplishments she demonstrates the entire rest of the year.
My children have been blessed so far with wonderful teachers, ones who do look beyond the numbers. My daughter’s second grade teacher realized that reading level and emotional maturity are two very different things. Though my daughter could read most of the books in the school, she wasn’t ready for the themes in some of them. The teacher made an extra effort to find books for her that met her needs on all levels. In first grade, my son rarely completed any work assignment. His teacher, drawing on her years of experience, recognized his painfully slow work habits as a product of perfectionism. She had the wisdom to see he didn’t need extra instruction in the subjects at hand, but did need encouragement to take risks. These are the sorts of insights that are at the heart of effective teaching and can never be gained from penciled-in bubbles on an answer sheet.
Yet, thanks in large part to the federal government’s No Child Left Behind Act, these terrific educators are able to spend less and less time educating. One day, looking at my daughter’s heavy homework load, I asked, “If you’re doing all this work at home, what is it you’re doing with your class time?”
“Taking tests,” she said with a world-weary sigh.
A number of philosophers have written about the human tendency to confuse the symbol with the thing it symbolizes. It seems to me this has happened with test scores. They’ve been transformed from a symbol of what students are pursuing – education – into the thing pursued. In the interest of raising scores, students at West Blvd Elementary School, in Columbia, Missouri, are now be required to spend longer days, and more of them, in the classroom than other students in the Columbia Public Schools. The district’s budget is so tight that some teacher positions had to be eliminated; yet money was found to create a new administrative position, “Director of Research, Assessment and Accountability.” A testing czar, in other words.
Posted on the Columbia Public Schools web site is the district’s Assessment Plan, all 49 pages of it. Two pages are devoted to “motivating students to do well on state and district-wide assessments.” Techniques mentioned include treats as rewards (Tootsie Rolls are listed by name), raffles, and motivational assemblies. Another two pages are devoted to test-taking strategies. One of the strategies for multiple choice tests is: Choose a middle answer (B, C, or D) versus a first or last choice when a guess is necessary. This isn’t unique to one school district; it’s a standard tactic for multiple-choice tests. It’s also an admission that a high test score doesn’t necessarily reflect mastery of a particular subject. Mastery of how to work the system maybe.
There are better ways to assess the areas in which a child is doing well and in which they need more help. Some private schools and home school families have pupils build a portfolio throughout the year to provide an overview of what they have learned and accomplished. Daily observations and common sense go a long way as well. I don’t need a test to tell me if my kids can manage fractions. They cook with me in the kitchen and can easily double recipe ingredients from a quarter to a half-cup, from 3/4 to 1 1/2 teaspoons. My daughter has taken several sessions of private weaving lessons with not a single test of any kind. But anyone looking at the pieces she turned out with each successive class could see how much she was learning and improving.
So why do we parents, teachers and school administrators keep participating in what so many of us see as a deeply flawed and harmful practice? Though it makes me cringe to admit it, the honest answer for me is fear. According to federal and state mandates, any school with less than 95% participation gets in trouble. So do the schools where students don’t produce high enough scores. I’ve considered boycotting the MAP (Missouri Assessment Program) by keeping my kids home on testing days. But then I’ll think, “Do I really want our school’s year extended? Do I want to feel responsible if teachers lose their jobs?” No wonder the administration is almost frantic to make sure children show up to take the test. And fill in the correct bubbles.
Another problem with moving away from mass standardized testing toward a more informative and helpful system of assessment is that it would require teachers to pay increased individual attention to each student, which would mean smaller classes, which would mean a need for more money. I’m convinced the resources are there; it’s just that we as a society would have to make a major commitment to changing our priorities. The words from the classic bumper sticker come to mind: It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. A tall order, but maybe we don’t have to try to accomplish it all at once; we can keep it as an eventual goal.
In fact, simply eliminating standardized testing would be a good start on freeing up material and human resources to be used for better purposes. My local school district’s budget for the past year included more than $170,000 just for testing materials. I don’t know what salary is paid to the new testing administrator. But it looks to me like eliminating the testing budget plus the new administrative position could provide enough money for at least a few more teachers.
And what can parents do to make this start happening? Realistically, many of us struggle just to keep up with the laundry and grocery shopping, and don’t feel equal to the task of reforming an entire culture. For some the answer is private school or homeschooling. For others, those aren’t viable options. Personally, all I know to do is keep talking every chance I get, and encouraging others to do the same. Maybe someday someone will listen.
In the meantime, I do what I can to educate my own children about the realities of standardized testing. I especially like to tell them true stories about “problem” students, such as Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and M.C. Escher (who famously flunked out of school because his test scores were too low.) When we talk about the ‘gifted” program and the fact that the school district deems only 2% of students worthy of an enriching educational experience, I give my kids a story problem, “If two percent of students have enrichment provided by the schools, then what percentage of pupils will have to go get what they need for themselves, and which group is learning more about resourcefulness?” And when we get tired of discussing schools and testing, we all go out to play in the rain. Some days I feel like that’s the best thing I can do for my children.
After visiting Chicago, and particularly Millenium Park, this past summer, I started thinking a lot about public art. I decided I have an opinion on the subject. I’m strongly in favor of public art, for a lot of the same reasons I’m in favor of public libraries. Information and literature and music and visual art should be available to everyone, not reserved for a privileged few.
I suspect that even the most curmudgeonly of complainers against spending tax money on art do actually enjoy some aspects of it. I’d bet you could find a lot of these folks at the publicly funded fireworks display on July 4th, for example.
My favorite installation at Millenium Park was the Cloud Gate Sculpture. My family and I spent a good hour looking at this one piece of art from every possible angle.
My son is in middle school and bumping up against a dilemma faced by many writers. How willing should you be to sacrifice your artistic vision for pay? In this case, the payoff is a grade. We’re finding, sadly, that the writing taught in language arts in our local schools is preparing the students to conform to the formula required on the MAP test (Missouri Assessment Program.)
In my son’s class, they’ve been working on memoir writing. He decided to write about how he came to be obsessed with Lego architecture, something that began with a trip to Chicago, where he discovered a Lego version of the Sears Tower. So far, so good. It’s not a bad choice for an 11-year-old. But he wanted to make his piece stand out. He told me he didn’t want to just write down a list of events. He and I brainstormed for a while and he came up with a pretty original writing plan; he would write a backward memoir.
So he started the piece with the most recent relevant event, then explained how it had been spawned by a previous event and how that had grown out of something that happened before, and so on. Right back to our trip to Chicago. He was pleased with how well the idea worked and so was I. He had attained his goal of writing something that was interesting and stood out from the rest of the memoirs in the class.
Therein lay the problem. He wasn’t supposed to write something different. He got marked down because the scoring guideline states memoirs are supposed to relate events in the order they happened. Tell that to Dave Eggers. Hmph!
To be fair, the teacher presented things honestly. The students were told what to do to get the best score, and my son did decide to do it a different way. It’s a decision he’ll have to keep making. Does he want to find his own voice to do the best writing he can, or does he want the grade? In a way, the fact that Language Arts is not his favorite subject might make it easier for him to choose the higher grade. He’s a lot more passionate about science. On the other hand, he might have inherited enough of my personality to figure it’s worth sacrificing a grade in order to make a statement.